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Planning your wedding
Mazal Tov! You’re engaged! Now what?!!
The first things to concentrate on are the big 4 – venue, caterer, band and photographer. These four things book up the fastest and will make the biggest difference to how your day will go. Everything else; invites, benchers, flowers, hair and makeup etc, can be booked later as there are many companies that offer these services.
The Date
Until fairly recently, the most important consideration for a religious girl when planning her wedding was whether she would be niddah or not. Nowadays, this isn’t an issue for everyone, depending on your hashkafa. Discuss with your kallah teacher appropriate ways of ensuring you will be tahor on your wedding.
People like to get married on Tuesday because Hashem said ‘it was good’ twice on that day. Some people prefer a Sunday wedding so more people can come. Discuss it with your chatan! Ensure that your Rabbi can do that day.
Venue
When booking your venue, three things are key. Cost, Availability and Location. Many venues in
Click here for venue ideas around the world.
Caterer
If your venue comes with a caterer, great! If not, the best place to start when searching for caterers is word-of-mouth. Decide your budget, and then ask friends who have got married recently, or on our forum. If you don’t have any, then ask the caterers you find in the Jewish newspapers when they are next catering an event and if you can pop in to have a look, or if they will do a sample menu for you. Be a nudnik – the thing everyone will remember is the food.
Cheaper caterers may have fewer options but still make a nice simcha and leave you with money to spend on things that are more important to you than how many soup options there are.
Do you want silver service or buffet? Both have their advantages and disadvantages. Your venue might only have the facilities for one.
Dessert buffets are nice but can be pricey. Some caterers offer sweet tables with a ‘pick’n’mix’ type option for people to take home.
Wine – does the caterer provide? Does the venue charge a corkage fee? Mevushal or not?
Oh, and your caterer will provide the tablecloths and serviettes. Make sure they have the colour that fits your scheme.
Band
Again, word-of-mouth is the way to find out which are the best bands. Some bands can lend you a tape to listen to, or can tell you when they’re next playing so you can listen in. If you go to a wedding with a band you like, ask for their card. Bands usually charge by the piece i.e. singer, guitar, keyboard, sax etc. Some bands will only play if the dancing is separate.
Give the band the songs you like or don’t like. Ask them if there will be dinner music. Make sure the volume will suit your guests. Find out at what point they will take their break.
Click here for band ideas around the world.
Photographer
There are hundreds of photographers and video companies around. They all have their own specialties. Do you want a more journalist type album with candid moments captured? Or more portrait-type pictures? Is the photographer familiar with Jewish and especially frum weddings? Is the album standard or do they make a special album with scrapbook pages? How many prints will you get? What is the cost for copies? Do they include some large pictures for your wall?
With the video, do you choose the backing music (important! I got female singing in the background of mine!)? What are the most important elements of your wedding that you want included? More dancing or the sheva brachot at the end? Guests giving their wishes to you or is that embarrassing for them? How much are extra copies of the video and how many are included in the price? Can you get video cassettes or only DVDs?
For me, the most important thing was that I didn’t want to see the photographer or video man at the wedding. I couldn’t stand it when I went to weddings and the video guy was under the chuppah with the chattan and kallah, then was in their circle dancing and generally getting in the way. I wanted unobtrusive, and if the pictures weren’t as great, so be it. (They were great, by the way). You might not want that!
My mother just wanted a nice guy – her wedding photographer swore at all the guests to get out of the way!
The Rest
Invites
Do you want to save money and do them yourself (and give the saved to tzedakah)? Or save hassle and go with a company? I like giving work-from-home women a parnassah with the invites but you might want the many options available from more established companies. Have a look at what each company offers before deciding. Decide on your style and fonts with your chosen company.
Benchers
Sometimes the invitations company will do benchers with the same theme. Or you can go to a book shop and see the many offerings there. Are your guests all frum? Would they appreciate a zmirot book? Do they need English translation/transliteration? How many benchers per table?
Flowers
Think about the theme and colour scheme of your wedding. Get flowers to match! Your bouquet is the most important as it will be in all the pictures. Do you want the men to have boutonnière flowers? Large centerpieces or unobtrusive? Do you want your chuppah decorated? Does your florist know what a chuppah is?!
The Dress
Frum women can have such a headache over dresses but it isn’t necessary. The best thing to do is ask around. There are designers that will do you a one-off but it will cost. There are gemachim with racks and racks of tznius dresses, some new that can be bought from the gemach. You can get a non-tznius dress and get it altered.
As everyone says, when you try the perfect dress on, you’ll know. Don’t compromise on that feeling, even if you have to compromise on price.
Make sure your shoes are comfortable even if invisible. I went to a wedding recently where the bride had pink crocs on under her dress! No one knew until the shtick when we wanted to clean her shoes!
Bridesmaid’s Dresses
Again, gemachim have, you can buy and alter or if you have the money, choose the material and give a tonne of it to the dressmaker who can make the dresses as your bridesmaids like! Are your bridesmaids children? If so, there are cheap off-the-rack dresses in many department stores that will probably not need altering.
Hair and Makeup
You can go to the hairdresser in the morning or get them to come to you. You can get someone who will do both. You should get a trial for both hair and make up a few weeks before. Make sure you have any hairpiece and veil for this trial so you can see how the hair will work.
Will you be keeping your veil on? Tell your hairdresser so she doesn’t spend 3 hours clipping the back beautifully just to have it covered up.
How much will the stylist charge for relative’s hair and makeup? If you have 15 bridesmaids she’ll probably need help, so decide in advance and ask your bridesmaids as they might want to do their own hair and makeup.
If you’re wearing a sheitel for your wedding, make sure it is ready for a trial with the hairpiece too – get used to wearing it (in the privacy of your home!) for a few days to make sure it is comfortable and secure.
Other ideas
Table favours, guest books, wedding planner or chairperson for organising the timing and logistics, wine, mechitza, platform for the head table, anything else I haven’t remembered, message me in the forum!