Discipline Ideas for children aged 0-3

The following ideas are based on Rebbetzin Spetner’s series on childrearing.

The main aim in discipline in children of this age is to teach them to listen. The best way to accomplish this is to not say no. What? Never? No! In the second between you saying no and your child continuing to do whatever he was doing, he learnt he didn’t have to listen to you.

If your child is heading towards the oven, shout ‘hot’. Playing with the outlet socket shout ‘danger’. Doing something that is annoying you? Take him away!

There are three methods of dealing with this age group.

Technical Set up.

If you don’t want your child to pour cereal all over the floor, put the cereal in a cupboard with a latch on it. If you don’t want your child drinking the toilet water, keep the bathroom door shut.

Distraction

If your child is doing something annoying, distract him with something else. This applies if he is asking for a cookie a thousand times (‘I’m sorry honey, no more cookies today. Let’s play a puzzle together!) or jumping on the sofa. Most children do annoying things to get your attention, so if you give them attention doing a different thing, he’ll stop doing whatever it was that was annoying!

Discipline

It is very hard to use this until your child is old enough to understand consequences. There is no point saying ‘if you carry on jumping on the sofa you’ll not get a cookie’, if your child doesn’t understand consequences.

Time out is an often used tool in older toddlers. Putting a child in a room with no distractions or in the corner or on a ‘naughty step’ etc can enforce the idea that certain behaviors are unacceptable.

If a child is behaving badly to get your attention, don’t give negative attention. It is still attention.

 The following ideas are based on the book ‘how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk’ by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Change how you praise

Describe what you see ‘I see a room that had toys everywhere and now I can’t see a single one!’

Describe how you feel ‘it makes me so happy when all the toys are tidied up!’

Don’t just say ‘good boy’. You can take that away tomorrow by saying ‘bad boy’. Instead name the good behavior; ‘that was very understanding’, ‘that’s what I call listening’, ‘you’re being so helpful’. This enables a child to get a picture of himself which is positive and makes him more likely to want to repeat it.

Change how you ask

Describe what you see ‘I see milk has been left on the counter’

Give information ‘milk goes sour when it’s left out of the fridge’

Say it with a word ‘Milk!’

Talk about your feelings ‘It makes me so angry when milk is left out!’

Write a note (less applicable for this age group).

I used the tip ‘Give information’ with my 2 year old ‘milk goes bleuchy when it’s not in the fridge!’ and he went and put his bottle of milk in the fridge! Notes can work with slightly older children who realize that it’s writing on the note and will come and ask you what it says.

Validate their feelings

Listen with full attention

Acknowledge their feelings with a word – ‘Oh’. ‘Mmm’. ‘I see’. 

Give their feelings a name – ‘You’re feeling so frustrated’

Give them their wishes in fantasy – ‘I wish I could make bananas appear for you!’

Alternatives to Punishment

Point out a way to be helpful.

Express strong disapproval (without attacking character).

State your expectations

Show the child how to make amends

Give a choice. ‘No running in the store. You can walk or sit in the stroller’.

Take action. ‘You decided to sit in the stroller then’.

Allow the child to experience the consequences of his misbehavior. (Don’t take him shopping next time because he ran around the previous time).

Other tips

Let a child overhear you say something positive about them

Model the behavior you’d like to see